the emptiness of the free self

Date: 10.03.2018

from: T.E. Durden

to:

It’s beginning with the constant rediscovery of the essential and unrelenting freedom of choice.

A young student who lived his life comfortably on Maslow’s third floor. The intrinsic war of newly emerging perspectives waging, soon transforming the landscape of the psyche into a collection of ill-informed philosophical musings of a misdirected younger mind.

The mind stuck in a while loop with the eternally untrue condition foundPurpose.

I want to shape my environment in the most (personally) meaningful way. I want to create something that produces value for the individuals it touches.

Simultaneously, I want to feel alive. In this moment, I want to experience what is happening in the present, instead of forming distant images of the future existence.

Knowing I can turn wherever I want, just keeps me spinning around. Now spinning through a website, and writing instead of doing.

I want to become a force. I want to move in one direction with minimal pivots. I want to feel the urge.

Why do I feel like painting a face on a Wilson volleyball. Seeing the impossibly large yachts of old friends soar by in the distance. Anticipating to join them. Embarking with powerful wind in the sales but with a broken rudder, that guides me right back to shore. The messed up synaptic craving for an impossible constant dopamine level. Empty distractions misguiding and dragging you back and back. Rendering the self resistant — even inert — towards meaningful application of my own resources.

I want to design, i want to innovate. I will not surrender to an empty life in the domestic nest, indulging in meaningless material. I will not stay average.

I will do things. I will mold the world with my actions. This is my call to activation. My call to optimistic restriction of the free self.

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