An Open Letter to The One Who Had My Doting Attention

And the truth about our toxic relationship

One after another, people fall for you.

Once upon a time, I found myself running back to you many times throughout the day.

Now, though, things are different. I am not taken in by your tactics any longer.

Once I was glued to you, almost unknowingly. Couldn’t see a way out, even if I wanted a way out. Which I didn’t. At least, I hadn’t considered it.

Then, something happened. I did take a break from you, and when I came back, I realised the extent of the toxicity that had pervaded my life from being enveloped with you.

I didn’t want that toxicity any longer.

For the first time, I had a choice. I no longer automatically saw you as the backbone of my existence, my lifeline, without which I couldn’t feel whole.

Without which I couldn’t feel like someone. Someone important.

But I realised that I didn’t need to leave you to be able to get on with my life.

No, not at all.

I realised that I could use you for the best bits, the useful bits, the bits that fill my cup. And ignore you the rest of the time.

You are nothing to me now. Only the perks that you come with are of interest to me, and that’s where it stops.

I never loved you, and I never will love you.

I don’t think anyone ever will.

So many that you managed to twist around your metaphorical finger, and got hooked on you, now know the truth. But they also know you are useful.

Every day we hear more about what a shmuck you are, who you manipulated, and who you shat on.

You think you can still uphold some image as a force of good, but I don’t think anyone will ever believe in you again.

You may think that changing your name will make everyone forget, but you are so kidding yourself!

You may try to change your name to one that means ‘loving-kindness’ in Tibetan Buddhism, but the Tibetan Buddhists will only laugh.

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